I had a talk with a friend and his younger sister a few weeks ago after I had just gotten my new tattoo. We got to talking about tattoos and tattooshops in Berlin. I recommended one to her, and my friend, initially worried about his little sister and her tattoos, revealed that even he might want to get a big piece himself next year and that was it. Or so I thought. A few weeks later, the younger sister had gotten a tattoo, on the same spot on her body as I had gotten mine. My friend jokingly became ‘angry’ with me and implied that she had gotten the tattoo because I had been talking so positively about mine.
I understand you want to blame somebody else for your own weaknesses and challenges – you can come over but you can’t smoke, otherwise I will smoke as well! – but why feel the need to blame others for mistakes of people close to you?
I don’t say I’m guilt free of any form of ‘the blame game’. In my case, I tend to point out things around me that make my mistake feel less bad towards myself. Example; I was in a car with a friend of mine in Canada, and we had just gotten coffee (if that’s what you can call it) at Tim Horton’s at a stop next to a highway. I was sitting in the passenger seat, trying to open my sandwich bag with my cappuccino held together by my knees when my friend accelerated and the contents of the full coffee cup spilt all over my jeans and the passenger seat. My friend exclaimed “oh my god! what are you doing?” and after apologizing, I immediately said “to be fair though, your car is a fucking mess already” (which it was, but that’s beside the point). I shift the blame onto the messy car to make my stupid action seem less bad, even though it is quite irrelevant.